TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
