Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
