I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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