I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
