I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
