So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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