I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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