I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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