I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
