onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
