dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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