i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
