Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
