i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
