i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
