weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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