K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
