My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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