Pappa wants mamma naked
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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