went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
