After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
