I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
