I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
