Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
