Who did Billy Mays play for?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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