Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
