just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
