for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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