trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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