Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
