Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
