I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
