At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
