He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
