glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Green mimosas i think yes
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
