Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
