He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
