I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
