I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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