I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
