sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He passed out mid-signature
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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