Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
