I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
