Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
