Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
