3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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