how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
