Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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