her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
