You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
