okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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